Impetus shells the brain

Morning was the time when I was travelling to a far wide place in a broad long metro rail. Something struck my mind, which was powerful enough not to to be ignored. Something so vivid and electrifying that it asked me to act immediately. But act on what ? Act on anything which comes to my mind and I am supposed to act upon. Not to delay and it was much more convincing than Kabir's doha "Kal kare so aaj kar.. aaj kare so ab"... And the day was it when the decision was made that I would do the thing that I am supposed to do then and there and would do it with all the might I can, with all my energy and heart I can conjure. I am not very sure till how long this would last because generally I am "all over the place" with the age I am in ( 25yrs and 11 months completed on this earth )... but I can at least hope that I will sustain this emotion for as long as I can. While I write it down, words of Salman Rushdie cross over my mind, he say "Just because people can write... they think they should" which is again a very powerful statement and accompanying with the same program presented by "Emory University" is," If you wait long enough at the side of the river, you would see the dead body of your enemy floating across"... Now, these would be considered as very unorganized thoughts by a person who understands the organized working of the brain but would this be interpreted by someone's whose mind works naturally.. I suspect it would not.. Anyhow.. right now its too lazy a time 4:30 pm of the day ( I thought of writing this @ 10:00 am in the morning, but because of the title of the blog I completed all the tasks first which I should have ) and am signing off.. Chaoo..

Well in the pic you can see Orbitofrontal cortex, part of the prefrontal cortex which controls you acting on a  whim

It's about my chubby buddy !!!

While having food at a north indian restaurant in a south indian place with a colleague I know, had me talk about a secret even hidden to me. It was very incomprehensible about how exactly the discussion sprang out from the inmost portion of my head...It was about life of a person closer to me than my own shadow... It was few years back.. He was out of school looking around in a puzzled fashion towards this world... His father had him, somehow, admitted to a college which was 2 hours drive away from their home... In the moment of excitement and unawareness, he took up the option of staying at a hostel, than travelling on a regular basis from home to college and then back. Before he could relish and enjoy a very short lived happiness, he realised that he was in a notorious city with notorious yobs surrounding him @ an ugly hostel. The guy was an almost regular visitor of 5-star hotels in Delhi and the transition was not settling to him.. Anyhow , he called me one day telling that seniors wanted him in the raw and he was devastated on mere thought of that.. They wanted him to buy "rubber" and lingerie from the market.. I told him to better get himself off that hell, than taking this crap... He did indeed !!! Now, after few years.. he is working in a mid-size company.. as something or the other... but the story does not end here... Here is the amusingly depressing part that could be understood through psychology... A part of him still feels that he was the one who ran away and needs to undergo that ragging in order to succeed.. He feels he needs the punishment that he was "supposed" to receive, which he didn't, so he keeps on crucifying himself in some or the other manner..and the truth is that he does not know about it himself !!! He walks on the road.. does not live at a very happening place.. does an average job than he can ... does not cherish the company of much people, let alone being a social butterfly..has given up on his air conditioned car.. television.. DVD player... his best buddies...beer ...chicken.. etc etc.. His life is much deteriorated than it would if he had done a crime or committed some sin... A lot of things remain un-answered in this mysterious world.. It is just to analyze ... then conclude...

Relief ... haaaa !!!

Relief is the order of business... what do you want to talk about ??? WOW !!! Business of relief.. a feeling craved by many, pursuit by few.... but if the desire is strong enough, they say, then it would over-ride any other force that is a hinderance in your way of pursuing it !!! I have walked on the road.. sometimes feeling ugly , unassured, doubtful and angry on myself ... sometimes feeling self-assured, confident , calm personified and happy about life and me being here... these feelings stand miles apart.. one on the north and the other on the south of the world... Though it does take considerable amount of time to travel between these two opposite ends, but miraculously these feelings can switch in less than the time it takes to blink an eye !! These feelings are something that lets you know that everything's gonna be o.k.. You life would open up brilliantly... you are going to shine like the sun,.. life starts looking more colorful and vivid with such a feeling in the heart... and the song long forgotten "DIL DANCE MAARE" starts singing itself in your head and you hope that the feeling never goes away from your being... irrespective of people around you, you start feeling happiness withing your heart and allow the world the way it wants to be.. and allow yourself what you want to be .. It makes me reminisce of Protima Bedi's golden words ..." You have only to ready yourself, to allow things to happen as they should. The greatest favour you can do yourself is to 'get out of your own way' "...

Suffering: It's a rehab !!!

It was a Friday morning, The mirror infront of my face reflected various facets of my own person. A thought flashed through my mind.. it was new.. it was of my own.. not googled.. neither asked.. Why is there so much suffering and if it is then what purpose does it solves in ones life ?? As if I have gone through a lot already ??? An answer bounced from one of my nerves resting inside my brain.. It is a REHAB.. The more one goes through pain period, the more vivified his/her life becomes... Suffering totally changes a person and so does a rehab centre.. All addictions are gone.. At least they do fade.. Same are the sufferings.. They are a medium to change oneself, because that is the time when the real you comes out and starts taking action. That is the time when the numbness of the mind vanishes and you get animated.. full of vigor.. full of life.. right there.. ready to face what the world offers and ready to offer the world your own facade, which is beautiful like GOD's handwriting...

Good morning people !!!

Today was a wonderful start.. got up @ 4 am with a sore throat !!! gargled n slept like a child.. only to get up and see message of a near n dear one, pointing out towards the promise that I undelibrately broke... I re-assured of my promise mentioning it shall not happen again ( was feeling like a student of 2nd class, to whom a teacher tells :" Write on the black board--> I will not talk in the class.. I will not... will not.. not !!!! ) A reply to message was drenched with acid wit telling me that Promises are like babies... fun to make.. hell to deliver ... This is the same personality in my life that religiously follows the quote " JUST DO IT "... and inspires me to so the same.. Anyhow, the message I received was while on my way to office.. on my daily fight to find an auto that could offer me a drop till the office on meter !!! I generally do a shabby trick of standing a little distance behind the other gentlemen/gentlewomen standing, so I could be the one the ric should stop for first and it does...... today I followed the same routine ( a lady in multicolored suit was staring at me with contemptful eyes for the same reason, but I was too late for the office and the decent human being within me could not vivify ) and a ric did stop. I told him where I needed to go and he refused n moved further to that multicolored lady ... She told the same address and got inside.. What was that ??? Who says there is a discrimination against women !!!These ric drivers are not at all interested in taking men to their destinations... It's the other sex they are pondering about ... Signing off !!!

BRain GAmE

Well, I started writing strategically , but then ... screw it .. its better to go with the flow isn't it ? Talking about mind.. its a very powerful weapon , if one could make its use in a direction one wants to.. wonders could happen.. Have been engrossed on job psychology of my brain.. well here's how it rolls !!! Mind keeps on telling that you can , any given day, do better than what you currently are doing... But right there something holds you back from doing that, saying, we could do it later couldn't we? Whats the use.. Your intelligence any how , could be shown at the time it is really required.. Otherways,,screw it man,, just play ignorant !! a bird in the hand is worth two in the bushes..But, what i realised and experienced is, that with such psychology, you tend to loose the real you and in actuality become a dumbass... At the required time, intelligence is eating the grass...So,, doing the best is the BEST policy rather then waiting for lights to turn green... AND THEN SHOWING YOUR INTELLIGENCE !!!

A day in my life

Flaming sun is on my head... There is an alley to be walked through...People are moving around as usual without knowing their purpose and majority looks confused as to which planet they have come to... Some are faithful n confident n self -assured.. some are cynical.. unsure and timid... Age no bar... Dr. Joseph Murphy tells in his books that who we are is directly proportional to what we feed to our subconsious mind.. But.. its the most difficult ( sometimes easy ) thing to go forth without failing... You want to feed nice, colorful, fancy stuff to the brain, but the contrast in this world does not let you do so... The only fight is to create a perfect place in your brain, because in reality it does not exist and cannot and does not need to !! Because you need contrast to stirr things up.. to realise the value of what you have got and what you really want in life.. !! There comes a girl of about 27-30 years of age...Well dressed.. cutely carrying herself in the champagne colored dress with traditional brown flowers on it she is wearing ... Indians stare at her as she breezes through the road.. My eyes are not on the girl ( not bz m gay ) ... but on those prurient buggers who stare at her with an intent that could spoil the blog , if I care about writing it here... I quote winston churchill here : "There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you."... True man... I never did climb a wall leaning towards me .. !!!

Memoria !!!

Its an emotional spew that I am gonna throw out in this piece...Generally I dont FB.. but when I do , end up closing it within few seconds .. Today I did,,, just now ,, infact... n saw beautiful pics of my Bindra cousins.. lost memories of painful seperation breezed across my mind... We were close.. It was an intimate heart to heart relation I shared with my Miss Bindra cousin, n swashbuckling Mr Bindra ( as I now realise , what exactly swashbuckling refers to , its the perfect word for him...them ! )... Vacationing happened quite often, and mostly in the picturesque mountains of himalyas...It was exciting to make plans overnight for a fun trip.. I still get chillbumps, while thinking about leaving @ 4 in the morning for Haridwar.. to head towards Mussorie ( of which streets have been stick to my mental nerves with a strong adhesive ) .. Her saliva used to stick to my shirt's shoulders when she used to rest her head on mine with an open mouth ( I used to hate it , but could not help, but watch her relax with a belief in me, best sister one could have ).. The oppressive undertone in our voices while leaving the hotel still haunts me to the core, when I realise it no longer could be my experience with Bindra's.. Having a peg of rum in Patnitop and go crazy as betsy bugs is still like an experience of yesterday !! I look back and realise what a tightwad I was and how much I was hated sometimes by Bindra's because of this behaviour.. but this is how I was back then ( My psychology has changed since they extricated themselves from my life.... may be my mind plays games with me saying , if I adopt spendthrift habbits , I might get them back !! ) Once I had this camera that my father bought from Nepal and I was such a crook that I did not click pictures , so the reel should not get over.. I remember being disgusted by Miss Bindra for this.. ( I deserved it !! ) ... its been quite some time,I have been ploughing a lonely furrow , without Bindra's... It was next to impossible for our relation to break !!! My fears materialized...Now its all alone.. Just alone !!! Faiz, once said.. "Life is like a begger's cloak.. with patches of pain stewn on it" ...

Office Office !!!

Writing about an office in the outskirts of Burmudas Triangle, its employees, circumstances, dynamics of idiots trying to make the piece of their pie in the company that is trying to make its own.. Starting with the Program Counsellor, whose job is to counsel those chosen few, who are trying to make something out of their guts in life... There she is.. though an educated graduate from an "A" grade college( that neither of the educated people in the community have heard of ) lying around to the students about how can they benifit with a course of 40k, even if they didn't score 40% in any level of their acedemics.. Excuse me Miss.. Mrs.. watever.. it requires a proper college level education with great deal of analytical skills as well as managerial to work as an O****e professional.. Moving towards a young lady of 23-24 who has been working in the company since the founders of the company were trying their best to launch it... she is one indolent personality that you would ever meet in south India.. though she is happy with it and often boasts about it.. she is the kind of brainless child that would make faces not because she wants to , but does not have anything in her brain to talk of!! Lets move to the Expert of hat that is red... It makes me think of the 6 thinking hats, which makes one very intelligent.. but this red ... hat would make you go bald and tear your hair out by reading about something that is created by some nerd that existed sometime in this world.This is the one who talks about saving data ... deleting data.. then again trying to rescue it !!! WTF ,... why do we talk so much about data all the time.. eventually companies are making money out of saving each others data.. Company A saves the data of Company B.. and Company B saves it of company C.. ( there is a dumb colleague sitting with me who asked me to write SO ON and SO FORTH after the previous line... INTELLIGENT !!! but DUMB !!! and cliche )Anyhow.. this red "hated" man thinks of himself as the king of some dreamy place and talks in authority, while havin no substance inside.. May the insects on the camel infest his armpits ( not a nice man to know.. khushwant singh is great ) ... Movin towards a non-descript trainer who still has the % of child living in himself more than that of an adult.. He thinks of himself as a perfectionist but is in actuality a stubborn cuckoo who is not accepting this reality of life...,. He often hates me.. n so do I .. Towards another trainer in the same field of training ... she is a fickle minded woman who keeps on having mood swing bcz of GOD knows what !!! May her reckless brain be inhabited by peaceful forces .. Then towards an ex-employee who was a short man with little brain and a position he was never able to handle.. All he could ever say was.. "lets try our best guys !! " and then hid himself in a cabin of 4x4 , talking endlessly to his wife about how the wall in their room needs to be painted ( and other things not appropriate for writing on a blog ) ... Another short man who left the organization was a techie who was a kind hearted man ,, but a saying goes , which does not let me believe in people with short height.. "Never trust a man with short legs... his head is too close to his bottom".. and “Yeah, beware the small man... Always beware the small man. He'll fuck you every time. Because they never forget, do they? All that grief they got at school. Over and over, and for the rest of their miserable short-arsed lives, someone's got to pay.”― John Niven, Kill Your Friends ... HEY !! I got a lot of friends with short height.. but isn't true for all.. and here towards this gentlemen who is from the same community as the previous man mentioned was !! His palms are clear .. clean ( not talking about dirt.. but the lines in his hands ) He has "NOTHING" much to do in life and is wandering with an illusionary look that makes one feel comfortable somehow.. he is a plain guy who makes videos of himself jumping from trees and doing pushups in an alieanated park ( and the idiot thinks he is a superstar of some tamilian movie directed by legendary Rajnikant .. fool does not know how much people laugh behind his bak,. I keep on telling him on his face , though !! ) Moving towards a girl from city of Ramoji... She is old... cheesed off with life... writing notes of something that she would never understand in her entire life.. a woman who surfs wikipedia to understand what "Normal Forms" are ... Ma'am... hats off to you... may you excel in redhat atleast.. Off to a long, thin guy who is very good in administering, but whenever asked for some clarification, he redirects the person , by telling them mail to the "HEAD".. No idea which head is he talking about.. Then we have a new .. small.. short.. well dressed guy who does not mind getting plastered off while watching movies in a 3D theatre...He tries to imitate people and sometimes fails to do so... but still forces us to laugh on his act ... he walks on the road as if going to sell this world to the "underworld" All types exist !! ... pigs.. dogs.. horses... cats... rats.. as told by Goerge Orwell in his book titled "Animal Farm"... Nice place to say, but harmful , if you stay more than an years time.. You start getting signals from all sides... get off .. get off.. GET OFF Closing it by a quote "Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind."C. S. Lewis...

Tell the chatter to stop...

Wow.. What a great feeling it is and I hope it stays for eternity... Was drinking water on the other hedge of the staff area... The office's condition is so that that instead of proper tiles or some interior replacements, there are newspaper sticked in there.. Anyhow, while drinking water, came across an article of Srikumar Rao.. An old guy sitting with a smile on his face and looks intelligent.. It was some newspaper that was ere 2012... People were talking about the Mayan's predication of the year ending in 2012.. Economists flaunting their beautiful brains and this gentleman Srikumar Rao sitting .. smiling.. in this turbulent world.. While drinking the water I thought to read what the article was all about.. What caught my sight was the words that were written in the end of it "Peace to you and your. "... I love peace.. err.. piece of my pie that takes away all my peace.. Anyhow.. this uncle was talking about the chatting that goes on inside of one's mind...that's the one factor that decides on how happy or sad you can become... instead of shouting at ur kid.. breathe !!! instead of beating yourself up for having that pizze that you promised yourself not to have... try to restrain before having it.. Just NOTE what you are doing.. don't beat urself up and be an advocate against your own self.. but just note what you are doing and try not to do before doing that thing.. Very inspiring.NOTING ONESELF... It makes me remember of a quote that I read "Real peace of mind is the companion of the silence of the mind"...

Critical Thinking was the agenda

Well.. this morning I was lightening myself up in the loo and was ANALysing things going on in my turbulent life... Came to my brain was a relative with whome there is no longer any relation; a guy who is a swashbuckling sportsman.. a very courageous man for whom any sport was just as easy to play as easy an easy girl is for a playboy... I still miss this guy ( uncle now ) in my life as I thought that if he was still with me at the time when I was growing up, it would have been a much more interesting game play with him, however, in his stead who I got was not a very bad deal.. I was surrounded by many spiritual people whose lives are filled with hope and vigour... Wonder how they maintain it in them in such a disorderly world ? By chanting.. chanting to oneself.. for things to be fine.. hoping against all hopes... Like a mighty river that is ever flowing.. Yesterday I read an article of Shehan Karunatilaka... who is an award winning author of book Chinaman and he said" Eastern Mysticism is no match for Western Professionalism"... Disagreed !!! Eastern mysticism is hugely influencing professional life of people in the east as well as in the west.. People by comprehending that there is something within themselves that cannot be comprehended gives them the power to realise their true potential and there they go.. performing at their workplaces.. tranforming their lives with their blood, sweat and tears... not only that, but doing that for people surrounding them... so it should rather be "Eastern mysticism transforming worldly professionalism"...

My headache

My head aches as I go through the JLF ( Jaiput Literature Festival ) website and the list of speakers that speak in it. The reason for my headache is not the long strenous walk I had in the scorching heat @ 2 pm with the colleague I hate, but because of realising that I covet to write, but do not, for reasons that are not yet being disclosed to my conscience. Reading the authors now make me sick to my stomach and I only do it with the intention of learning a new word or two... ( Regret not learning these words while I was in the infamous NEPS, Mayapuri, which had its reputation not majorly because of great acedemics , but because of teen sex that happened in the gym that was constructed in the basement of our school for reasons other than working out!!! The other reason for my headache is the repressed hate that is still there in my sub-consious brain for people, whom I don't even remember.. As Khushwant singh says: " Unrepressed hate can be a catharsis"... I am looking forward to spew my venom at the people that I hate and I am not ashamed to admitting that.. Thats for now.. My head feels better...

PS: This does not comes from a coherent brain but from the beautiful mind that is scarred with the experiences of the past !!!